The Ultimate Fighter Season 8 Episode 8
Distasteful Practical Jokes Hard to Swallow at TUF House
You can only steal from a Man’s plate so many times before you get your hand slapped.
Tom Lawlor returns from team practice everyday to find his platter of assorted fruit ordered from catering eaten by members of Team Nogueira, nothing left but a plastic shell and bits of wrapping. Inspired by Vinny’s sprinkling of Efrain’s bed, Lawlor yanks down the front of his swim trunks urinates in his own fruit platter. Other Blue Jerseys contribute, leaving an inch deep pool of human excretion at the bottom of the plastic tray.
Predictably, when Lawlor and Team Mir leave for training, the Red Jerseys indulge in some thievery, happily devouring the soiled produce. Ryan Bader, as he slurps down a chunk of watermelon, remarks the fruit tastes unusually bitter.
When Team Mir returns, Kyle, Jules, Phillipe and Shane discover the reason behind why fruit platter was extra juicy that day. Disgusted, Phillipe gags over the toilet. Kyle, barely fazed by the revelation, goads Phillipe, reminding him they have an admixture of Team Blue’s urine in their mouths, trying to get him to puke. Team Nogueira takes the prank in good spirits, admitting they deserved it for taking Tom’s food.
One would think, after this incident, the housemates would learn not to steal each other’s food.
Phillipe, a great lover of raw fish, dreams up a ghastly revenge for the stolen sushi he never gets to enjoy, suspecting Team Mir’s Dave Kaplan as the culprit. Phillipe wants to best the urine prank. And the next thing grosser than urine: semen.
Perhaps not Man enough to do the deed himself, Phillipe uses cohort Ryan Bader as the delivery system. Later, Kaplan, infuriated after learning he ate sushi doused in human ejaculate, threatens to strike back at Ryan and Phillipe with fecal matter.
Amazingly, this wasn’t the most repulsive thing consumed at the house this week. Phillipe Nover prepared a traditional Philippine delicacy called Balut, a boiled duck egg with a matured embryonic duckling inside, eaten whole.
Dave Kaplan vs. Phillipe Nover
This week’s fight features victims of food tampering, David Kaplan and Phillipe Nover. Phillipe fights out of Brooklyn, New York, a registered nurse, he’s seen decapitations, gunshot wounds and other grotesqueries. Nothing scares him, he says. Coming onto the show undefeated in five fights, Dana White proclaimed the BJJ prodigy the next George St. Pierre. That’s high praise.
A Divison-1 wrestler out of Washington, DC, Dave Kaplan recently sojourned to Holland for 7 months of Muay Thai study with the countries best. Coach Mir says Kaplan’s granite jaw and iron-fists puts fear into the other lightweights; Junie Browning disagrees.
Junie’s convinced Dave is overrated and doesn’t deserve to win a UFC contract. Perhaps motivated by an incident during a training session where the Blue Jersey’s, including Coach Mir, lazed on the mats while he hunted for a sparring partner, Junie exposes Kaplan’s weaknesses to Phillipe. All he throws are looping hooks with little power, and has no Jiu-Jitsu whatsoever.
Phillipe listened.
In the fight, Phillipe cut up the middle, crumbling Dave with a quick combination of shots. Phillipe postures for a moment before taken Dave’s back and stitching in a tight rear-naked. It’s a short night’s work for Phillipe and a reality check for Kaplan
If you missed episode 7, read about it here
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